Meet the Blogger

• Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed? It's open, to let my cat enter and exit freely.
• Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels? Eh, no...
• Where is your next vacation? I don't have anything planned yet.
• Who do you think reads these? Oh, whoever has some time on their hands and a bit of curiosity I guess.
  
• Do you have a calendar in your room? No.
• What’s your plan for the day? Work.
• Are you reading any books right now? Currently re-reading A Game of Thrones.
  
• Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Only when I'm really upset or stressed and needed to calm down (by counting).
• Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing? Nope, I'm a terrible dancer.
• Do you chew your pens and pencils? Nope.
  
• What is your “Song of the Week”? Emelie Sande's Read All About It (Pt. III)
• Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Why not?
• Do you still watch cartoons? I still watch Disney Channel and Cartoon Network. I especially like Adventure Time.
• What do you drink with dinner? Usually nothing.
• What do you dip Chicken Nuggets in? Honey mustard hell yeah!
• What is your favorite food/cuisine? Japanese Curry.
• What movies could you watch over and over and still love? The Hours, Lost in Translation, and...I can't think of any others right at the moment.
• When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? About a year ago.
• Can you change the oil on a car? l don't think so.
• Best thing to eat for breakfast? Chinese omelete with cheese and tuna. And a cup of coffee.
• What is your usual bedtime?  Ideally, it should be before 12:00, but I usually fall asleep at around 1 AM.
• Are you lazy? It depends.
• Afraid of heights? I think I'm a little afraid. I don't do roller coasters or sky-diving.
• Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? An artist or a vet.
• Hot tea or cold tea: I like my tea iced.
• Tea or coffee? Coffee, always.
• Favorite kind of cookie? Chocolate chip cookies.
• Can you swim well? Well enough.
• Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose? Huh? 
• Who do you want to see right now? Her.

Facebook & Tumblr rant

I have very different attitudes regarding these two internet communities that I spend quite a considerable amount of time on everyday. Facebook is almost an extension of my life in reality, because 95% of the people that I interact with on Facebook are people that I’ve first known in real life or have come to know in real life. That includes family members (though I was really reluctant to add them), classmates, co-workers, and friends from an online game that I had played for years (though I don’t play it anymore). While Tumblr only consists of people that I interact with via Tumblr, i. e. liking other people’s posts, giving replies, reblogging, and sending messages.

the road not taken

What I want you to think about is what happens afterwards.

It's actually easy to form an intense bond with someone when two people have gone through a major event or time period together. The bond takes form rather quickly, but is fragile in the long run. It isn't unlike a cement mixture that has been tampered with, while the hardening process speeds up immensely, it'll easily crumble to pieces when dropped. And these kinds of relationships are exactly that, easily dropped if not careful.

In order to attain a continued spontaneous connection when the time comes relies on both parties. On the one side, you have to be sure about your desire to keep in touch with the intent to proceed further no matter what. On the other side, this other person also has to provide a sense of security or an invitation of sorts for you to latch onto. But relationships usually don't play out like that with crystal clear intents and directions. You are left with a strong desire to have a further connection, but the other party gives off a mixed and confusing vibe.

Ask directly, you run the risk of ruining a potential friendship. Keep silent, you run the risk of ruining a potential romantic relationship.

This is what happens when two people bond too quickly, only to be left at a crossroad. Which way to proceed? Choose one, and the other becomes the road not taken. And that really just sucks.

Poem, maybe

If only I knew where to turn,

Other than the turning of a page.

Maybe I will stop searching

Between the words,

For hopes that glide and

Surround me like birds.

I could lose myself

In an afternoon,

With a cup of coffee

and a book.

At the very end of that line,

I close the book and sigh.

For the thud echoes heavily

Out of earshot,

But in my mind.

失戀，其實只是失落吧

前陣子，厚臉皮的將自己的難過稱為失戀
但 是失戀嗎??

因爲我在爭取前就先放棄了，害怕失去所有不敢輕舉妄動的我，說著不想擁有的我，其實是最貪心的吧……

V-Day

I've never really liked Valentine's Day, but not for the usual reasons.

For me, Valentine's Day brings about a tiny ray of hope, that someone out there might actually want to act all romantic for me or some kind of surprise might happen. Because, none of that has ever happened to me before.

I'm not a romantic. At least, I think I'm not. I've done things like write poems and bought thoughtful little gifts, so maybe I've done some romantic things for other people. But never have I been on the receiving end.

What is it like to be wooed, I wondered as I lay on my bed. V-Day came and went. A wave of disappointment washed over me as the sky gradually darkened outside. In reality, I shouldn't have anything to be disappointed over. My own sense of false hope was to blame.

The real blow came a few days after, when I saw the Facebook status change she made. I've already harbored some suspicions, but the truth still hurts. Maybe I should be glad now that I finally have a concrete reason for me to give up and let go. I've always known she is straight. What actually stung more was the fact that she hid this piece of information from me. She told me before that she isn't one to rush into a relationship, and the numerous guys rejected by her before are proof enough. 

I now know that those feelings won't ever be reciprocated, but I also thought that she regarded me as a close friend, and it was all that I tightly held onto. I really really cared that she see me as a close friend, and someone that she can trust. She used to share a lot of things with me, and I shared a large part of myself with her as well.

And then it all fell apart the moment that I saw that she now has a boyfriend. Backing away and keeping distance is a way to protect myself. I know that cutting myself off from our friendship is selfish. She probably isn't aware of anything. But for once, I want to be selfish.

Emily Fields and Coming Out

I'm just going to be frank, if it wasn't reading articles about Pretty Little Liars on Autostraddle and AfterEllen, I probably never would even think of watching it. But I decided to give it a go while waiting for my weekly new episodes of Lost Girl S3, which by the way, is looking really good.

Pretty Little Liars is a curious mix of drama and suspense, I think. At a first glance, it strongly resembles Gossip Girls, even though I've never seen that either. It's got a high school setting, a clique of friends, jock boyfriends abound, etc... but then pops in a murder investigation. The professional investigation stuff with the police and detectives is actually a bit laughable, but it can be over looked for the other more intriguing plots.

Hey uh, so you went to an all-girls high school then?

I got asked this question, a lot, when I first started college. I was sporting spiked up short hair, or token “T” hairstyle if you would, back then. I was finally free from high school uniform skirts. I could finally start dressing in clothes that I find comfortable and suitable for myself. But then, I started getting pegged as “T”.
What is “T”, you may ask? It’s a quite common term in Taiwan that points to the butch or masculine looking lesbian/queer girls. It is a very broad term or label that can’t really just be narrowed down to one particular kind of identity or appearance. Some people, usually straight (but people in LGBTQ circles are not excluded), might also use this term to indicate someone that identifies as lesbian.

My long lost love for TV shows (a.k.a. guilty pleasures, no?) & Lost Girl

Well, actually, I think Lip Service deserves the guilty pleasure title most adequately, but I digress.

Anyhow, this is definitely a Lost Girl appreciation post. And I know this sounds mightily cliched, "How have I not started on this show sooner??" I frequent Auotstraddle and AfterEllen, where a considerable number of shows with lesbian/bisexual/queer ladies have been and are being discussed and/or recapped. Somehow, I've only ever watched Skins (S3 & S4), Glee and Lip Service, which is kinda sad... (HA!) Skins was a truly wonderful creation in the name of Naomily, somehow I've never really gotten to it on this blog, this shall be amended in due time.

I guess I kind of have to blame Glee for killing off a lot of my passion for TV shows. Skins was great, but the Skins I favored was also only 2 seasons and way shorter, but I did enjoy the hell out of it. Glee, on the other hand, is at the very least 3 seasons long, and with a (horrible) fourth season still running. I really liked Santana and Brittany's storyline, because:

“Have you ever fallen in love with your best friend? Of course you have, you’re a lesbian!”

--- AfterEllen.com describes it best

But then the show deteriorated and became only a shadow of what it once was with the inconsistencies, character assassinations, inequalities, misogynistic portrayals, etc. It really killed off my mood to watch TV shows, not just Glee.

Then, along came Lost Girl.

Another year, 2013

2013 crept upon me in a steady pace, I have been quietly watching the days go by ever since Christmas. But it wasn't until the last 4, 3, 2, 1!!!! was yelled that it really hit me in the face that 2012 is...no more. To me, the passing of 2012 was much more than a year gone by, the part of me that still clutched on to my identity as a college student became one step farther away, and it's marching at a steadfast pace away from me.

I dread the day when that part of me became a speck in the distance.

Jealousy

Love is not the poison, it's jealousy that will eat into your heart.