For me, Valentine's Day brings about a tiny ray of hope, that someone out there might actually want to act all romantic for me or some kind of surprise might happen. Because, none of that has ever happened to me before.
I'm not a romantic. At least, I think I'm not. I've done things like write poems and bought thoughtful little gifts, so maybe I've done some romantic things for other people. But never have I been on the receiving end.
What is it like to be wooed, I wondered as I lay on my bed. V-Day came and went. A wave of disappointment washed over me as the sky gradually darkened outside. In reality, I shouldn't have anything to be disappointed over. My own sense of false hope was to blame.
The real blow came a few days after, when I saw the Facebook status change she made. I've already harbored some suspicions, but the truth still hurts. Maybe I should be glad now that I finally have a concrete reason for me to give up and let go. I've always known she is straight. What actually stung more was the fact that she hid this piece of information from me. She told me before that she isn't one to rush into a relationship, and the numerous guys rejected by her before are proof enough.
I now know that those feelings won't ever be reciprocated, but I also thought that she regarded me as a close friend, and it was all that I tightly held onto. I really really cared that she see me as a close friend, and someone that she can trust. She used to share a lot of things with me, and I shared a large part of myself with her as well.
And then it all fell apart the moment that I saw that she now has a boyfriend. Backing away and keeping distance is a way to protect myself. I know that cutting myself off from our friendship is selfish. She probably isn't aware of anything. But for once, I want to be selfish.
